The internet shopping site dispatched thousands of Amazon Prime Air drones to the postmaster general's office in L'Enfant Plaza, Washington D.C., surrounding it and demanding to take immediate control of the postal service's deliveries.
Postmaster General Patrick R. Donahoe assembled a team to fight off the drones including Assistant Postmaster General Ronald A. Stroman and Human Resources Officer Jeffrey Williamson. The patriots put up a valiant fight against the drones but were eventually captured and taken back to Amazon headquarters in Seattle. The trio has not been heard from since.
Once Donahoe was removed from his office, one of the drones, known as Prime One, assumed leadership of postal operations, firing all 522,000 employees. A press release from Amazon said their duties would be carried out by the drones starting today.
President Barack Obama refused to recognize the change in the postal service hierarchy, but Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos shot back.
"The president would be wise to not meddle in Amazon's affairs," Bezos said in a statement on the Colbert Report Wednesday night. "We have chosen the postal service for now, but there's nothing preventing us from taking over all government offices."
More details about our new cyborg overlords will be published when Bezos allows us to.
All hail Bezos.
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